Accidental Resentment (Resentment Part 2)

Today I will take a look at person to person resentment, specifically some ways that a leader may become resented by their people.

I think the most common ways this is “accidentally accomplished” by otherwise decent leaders is:

1. Failure to follow through on commitments

2. Failure to really listen to someone, especially if they are trying to communicate something that is important to them

3. Repeated failure to recognize someone’s efforts and contribution, especially when they are going above and beyond.

I think it is pretty self evident why these failures on the part of the leader generate resentment, and the ways not to generate resentment in the first place are equally self evident, but let’s state them anyways before exploring the consequences:

1. When you make a commitment, follow through on it.

2. Empathetically listen to people.  If they are asking you to do something, but you can’t because of some big picture concern, be as transparent as possible sharing as much of the big picture as is appropriate.

3. Recognize people’s efforts and contributions in a way that they will appreciate.  This is discussed in more detail in Grounded Service; think of whether the person may find recognition as a reward or perhaps more stimulating assignments.

If there have been enough instances of the failures above and the resentment has built up one of the ways this resentment towards a leader can manifest is “malicious compliance”   In essence when the leader gives an assignment to someone, and that someone knows this is a really stupid idea, rather than speaking up, they will proceed to quietly and enthusiastically execute the leaders wishes to a tee looking forward to the disaster that will unfold. Do an internet search for “malicious compliance stories” and you will find a treasure trove of sometimes entertaining stories of leadership disaster ending in malicious compliance.

If you do find yourself having failed in one of the above ways, acknowledge the failure with the person who you failed, and don’t repeat it.  If you repeat it, the apology has become meaningless and possibly worse than useless as now a repeated apology will come off as disingenuous.

In addition to the three paths above a leader can also commit the following leadership malpractice to induce them being resented

1. Taking unearned credit or passing blame to the undeserving

2. Micromanaging

3. Inconsistent policies and / or erratic behaviour

4. Unrealistic expectations

5. Not being respectful of boundaries of one sort or another

I think #4 is particularly interesting as I think a lot of well meaning high performing technical people may easily fall into this trap, especially if they have a case of imposter syndrome:  You don’t think you are anything special, and golly, pretty much everyone should be able to do what you do; the level of output and the level of quality.  Imposing the expectations you have of yourself onto others could be really dangerous.  I did this when I was new to leadership.  My solution once I was provided some feedback that indicated the error of my ways was simple: a sticky note with three words in a visible location at my workstation: “manage your expectations”.  I kept it there until I didn’t need it any longer: for several years.  It functioned as a daily affirmation.

I’ll leave it at that for now and next time I will take a look at group resentments at an intra and inter organizational level.